sense of self
competency (watch out for complacency)
Missions in my life were simply to survive, then to live each day in the present. Throughout recovery years it was to stand true to the determination that "I would expose them". Years to mend the body worn down my view of competency ever really becoming a possibility there. Each effort was met with an overpowering opposition.
Daily set to mission marriage and parenting have been some of my greatest missions to date. Those day in day out duties that were as we all know really never ending or often even a crescendo of plateau. Gardening was one design setting my eye upon left the place now for planting and harvest to ebb and flow as the seasons of life. Yet even in that the heat of living in the desert set with the physical challenges faced leaves mission to a "hang in there", let your expectations balance sort of coming to terms.
Years of the joy set to missions of varying types paled as the obstacles would seem insurmountably.
Oh how countless a talent turned skill has waned under the halting lack of confidence or know how to further a continuance of effect.
Mission is something that I had a determination toward yet lacked the skill set to follow through and succeed over the discouragements. These hindrances would I think have been met with a wisdom from an elder toward success.
Mission would hit a stressed out wall when the next step became an enigma.Freezing up what next became a never mind.
Never really living up to that potential of seeing how able talents set to skill could lead into becoming competent. It would often become a 'why bother' sort of despondence.
Knowing that we all suffer like things I chose to speak on these things this morning.
What I have begin to learn
Setting small goals at first
Setting steps toward each small goal
Like risk mission is a skill that is measured in baby steps, stride being met with the exercise of seeing little things succeed.
There is a saying that I love.
The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
So for me the lessons of a lack of competence have occurred when a step in that process becomes all to overwhelming...
It is then that the choice to continue to skill on the point of halting.
The skills of a jeweler halted 1) lack of merchandising how to 2) not knowing how or even willing to sell my competence for a price. 3) assuming that no one else could be sold into my mission.
The skills of gardening halted 1) learning timing of harvest to table 2) consistency issue due to lack of scheduling 3) letting go because of a need to learn less physically demanding techniques. 4) giving up on ideas and methods to set in place if dependency on others left me wanting. example...waiting for my husband to hook up a drip system...I gained the hoses for free (a mission in itself)...the project stops there. 5) learning how to do it myself.
The skills of a writer halted 1) fear of the family of origin being bothered by it 2) Lack of vision 3) easier to just watch hulu or be entertained then to think 3) needing to set to effect those thoughts or points of interest. 4) setting to priority the mission of service for the greater good over the efforts to express deep thinking. 5) Allowing a thought to flow and practicing better mind focus and thought control.
Now these few examples set as well to the variety of missions that overlap and over power each other. My old balance wheel helped me with keeping areas of interest varied helped. Lists and charts called rebellion over the authority they tried to impose.
Thus a new mission rises...
Gain understanding and knowledge on how to set mission into steps toward accomplishment.
This year I was able to do just that. Setting a balance budget savings added up through little things that honed each line down. I implemented a savings that added up to a recent vacation fully funded and each day calculated into the amounts available. Food/lodging/gas/ticket charges so forth. It took well into the 4th day of the trip to relax and see that I was competent in doing so. The stress of the process was hard on me.
Becoming more relaxed into mission skills is now a goal of mine. Understanding how that happens through little accomplishments is liberating. Seeing that 'I won't fail at it'. Overcoming the FEAR that the old wall of 'what do I do next' in the process can be climbed or walked around is also liberating.
sence of self
A cascade effect...
Affiliation waned when my sense of self faltered. My sense of self faltered when competency was lost due to lack of know how in reference to mission. If doubt that mission can be finished security becomes at issue.
Learning the steps to mission becomes a vital part of maturation. One that I missed out on. Teaching myself as far as I could left me short. Seeking a greater understanding and actually going on a quest to do so will send me far.
I think of how college work the classes in steps...English 101 comes to mind. English 102 builds upon it. If it were not for the first course we would not be equipped. If we stop after the first or primary lessons we write papers as a child.
It is time to put away a childish way (101) and set out farther into growing up into the abilities (102) that are there for us to peruse. Why settle for the lack of skill gain it.
Well kids are up
Mission...loads and loads of laundry
1) make laundry soap