These are the lyrics that took a nation to their feet

Affiliation with a woman of common features in an instant.

Many nations then came to comradery with the common loss of dreams killed.

Many who have believed in a dream of gentle love

some kind words lost that childhood to the cruelty of monsters impostors to the dream

Dreams are those expectations based in those desires for the wonder and beauty that might elevate the pains of realities. 

I think this is why the wonderful lady who sang a many nation into a common bond found unity of minds.

Realities are much harsher

hopes are more level less climatic

Even for the most well exercised optimist.

Things are never really what they seam.

Those tigers that thunder in our minds have struck our spirits with the lightening that sears into us the pains. Pangs that change us from whom we might of become.

Create a vibrato of thunder that we allow to reverberate all of our days.

Even if it were our fantasy to stop such a thunder...Even if we actually succeed still the walls rattle.

Listen here to those truths that touched hearts in the inner most parts.

There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

Clean up duty

I love a good fight...
but the question is
are you fighting to punish
or to make a change?
Gandhi

I heard this question tonight...It is a very pertinent question.

a "grown up" punishes
an "Adult" makes a change

I desired to not be like them...my offenders.
With all my heart I want that.

Asked a question the other day
"just when will I know that I have given myself a life"
that being my mantra in the days of youth...

I see a bit more clearly my next phase...
My offenders were Grown ups...as defined

• Grown up (little person in a big body )

betrayal
Scary
mean
secretive
Out of control
powerful
liars
unhappy
Manipulators
absent
nasty
hateful
self-consumed
wicked
angry
Pretend

So I asked myself what is it I am fighting for?
And found a disturbing answer.

I want to punish because I am angry, out of control unhappy about being secretive about how I feel when my reality is dismissed.
I pretend that I am not hurt and that makes me a liar.
It keeps me absent , self consumed.
I then become a scary manipulator,
threatening absence

I read this on a class paper of years ago

We defend our dishonesty on the premise that it might hurt others.
I have rationalized my phoniness into nobility.
So I settled for a non intimate relationship with her.


I wanted to punish my sister for all those long ago unacknowledged hurts.
I am being mean.
My God how much I must of hurt her over all these years as well.
How betrayed must she feel?
very I am sure
I can justify myself till I am blue in the face
two wrongs do not make a right!
I have actually been nasty and hateful by wanting to punish.
It is time to scrub these hands clean!

In my "grown up" way all I could see was how bad I was hurt.
I have rationalized my phoniness into nobility.
So I settled for a non intimate relationship with her.

Wow that is pretty Wicked!
That is what is tearing me up!
I am acting like them!
I just can't stand that in my heart!

Clean hands and a pure heart demand me to challenge myself here.

Dang!
I'm pulling up the big boots here!

song lyric...
Out on the outskirts of my freedoms
I was looking for fences that would keep me in
and I found there were none.
Where did my heart go?
Where have I been ?
He opened my eyes to the heart ache and lies
and I closed them again.
And I want to go home to my Father .
I want to be part of where
my heart says I belong.
I want to wash my weary feet in living water.
I been away way too long
I want to go home.

• Adult (Integrity, asking the precious child, protective, caring, committed, unconditional love, loyal)

Steadfast
safe
kind, gentle
open,honest
self-assured
powerful
truthful,consistent
content, Happy
Negotiators
reliable
chaste, good
loving
giving
Pure,good
Angry, respectful
Reality.

I know that in many ways I am an adult.
It is time I start learning more though about acting like one.

So Sis if your reading this well...
I am sorry for such a poor show of love.
I am sorry for how terribly I hurt you.
We both have to become more adult to each other.
I own that.
I am not going to pull away from you to punish
it is not my job to punish anyone.
I do so hope though to continue to fight for change,
in myself and in our relationship.

Now... to grow up and say this to your face .
I am so tired of letting that scary powerful mean
"grown up"
intimidate me from becoming your friend.
Every time I feel betrayed.
You must feel that way too.

Why here?
why public?
because this is my blog

This is my way of giving back
I do so hope that this journey can make your path
have fewer stones to stumble on.

As always your prayers made a difference in my life today
Thank you with all my washed hands and heart.

Self Esteem Affiliation

Journal of discovery

*I like to be with....strife free folks

* I like to be with people who...love others kindly yet have good boundaries

* I was a friend to someone when...I needed her and she needed me

* Someone who makes me feel happy is ...my husband

* I would like to give a present of...kindness...to... a wherry soul

* A way I could help others is...to become a better listener

* My favorite person to be with is...someone who wants to be with me
I feel Happy when people...are real and unmasked and I still like them

* Things I look for in a friend are...kindness, wounds and the3 way they handle them or better said the willingness to heal

* the best person in the world is......is no better in Gods eyes than the worse if they apologize and change their way

* I could be a better friend if ...I made a list to call to avoided the need to apologize for the forgetfulness to do so.

* Once someone helped me by...showing me that I was many who had shattered and yet did not break, that It was alright not to like parts of who I am and to even embrace those aspects...that's how I learned to love myself and that God too loved all of me the good bad and the ugly he saw beauty in it all

* I choose my Friends because ...they were in my path and that I
saw the real beauty in their hearts.

* I love to give....words

* What I can give to others is ...only as good as what is received

* I don't like people who ...speak ill of others with a hurtful intent

* The greatest harm someone can do to another is...remove their hope

* When people get angry they should ...remember their own issues and step softly

* I wish people could stop...greed, hate and arrogance.

* I would like to say something nice to...everyone

* You can tell someone likes you by...the light in their eyes when they speak to you eye to eye

* I don't like it when people...assume

* When People tease me I ...brace my heart and speak up if I need too but try to be of good humor. I do not let teasing be a part of my family. It is not appropriate.

* I 'm a good friend when...I set my thoughts needs and ideas aside for another needs to come first.

* I like my friends because... they tend to be real people and not masked


* My friends think I am good at...Making them feel safe

* I make new friends by....just being myself

* When I am with my friends I feel...almost everything that they are feelings

* I wish my friends would...Make more time for each other

* My Favorite thing to do with a friend is...It depends on the person...well being still together and just being present without any expectations

* The thing that makes me a good friend is...wanting the best for others

* Someone I would like to get to know better is...The person I am with at any given moment

affiliation

The importance of interpersonal relationships in our lives cannot be overstated. We all need to feel a sense of connectedness to another human being Particularly to those individuals whom we consider to be important and significant. When we feel as though we belong and are connected to those we consider important, and in return we receive respect and approval from them , we gain a sense of affiliation..Do I feel accepted?

Do I provide myself with the opportunity for group entry?
Am I participating , as a functioning, contributing group member?
Do I acquire special skills in friendship making?
Do I provide myself with an opportunity to gain peer recognition and approval?
Do I show approval and support to others?
Do I discover the interests, capabilities and back grounds of others?
Do I praise others for their accomplishments?
Do I have sensitivity toward the needs and feelings of others?
Do I plan activities that encourage a sense of common spirit and pride?