I love a good fight...
but the question is
are you fighting to punish
or to make a change?
Gandhi
but the question is
are you fighting to punish
or to make a change?
Gandhi
I heard this question tonight...It is a very pertinent question.
a "grown up" punishes
an "Adult" makes a change
I desired to not be like them...my offenders.
With all my heart I want that.
Asked a question the other day
"just when will I know that I have given myself a life"
that being my mantra in the days of youth...
I see a bit more clearly my next phase...
My offenders were Grown ups...as defined
a "grown up" punishes
an "Adult" makes a change
I desired to not be like them...my offenders.
With all my heart I want that.
Asked a question the other day
"just when will I know that I have given myself a life"
that being my mantra in the days of youth...
I see a bit more clearly my next phase...
My offenders were Grown ups...as defined
- Grown up (little person in a big body )
Scary
mean
secretive
Out of control
powerful
liars
unhappy
Manipulators
absent
nasty
hateful
self-consumed
wicked
angry
Pretend
So I asked myself what is it I am fighting for?
And found a disturbing answer.
I want to punish because I am angry, out of control unhappy about being secretive about how I feel when my reality is dismissed.
I pretend that I am not hurt and that makes me a liar.
It keeps me absent , self consumed.
I then become a scary manipulator,
threatening absence
And found a disturbing answer.
I want to punish because I am angry, out of control unhappy about being secretive about how I feel when my reality is dismissed.
I pretend that I am not hurt and that makes me a liar.
It keeps me absent , self consumed.
I then become a scary manipulator,
threatening absence
I read this on a class paper of years ago
We defend our dishonesty on the premise that it might hurt others.
I have rationalized my phoniness into nobility.
So I settled for a non intimate relationship with her.
I wanted to punish my sister for all those long ago unacknowledged hurts.
I am being mean.
My God how much I must of hurt her over all these years as well.
How betrayed must she feel?
very I am sure
I can justify myself till I am blue in the face
two wrongs do not make a right!
I have actually been nasty and hateful by wanting to punish.
It is time to scrub these hands clean!
In my "grown up" way all I could see was how bad I was hurt.
I have rationalized my phoniness into nobility.
So I settled for a non intimate relationship with her.
Wow that is pretty Wicked!
That is what is tearing me up!
I am acting like them!
I just can't stand that in my heart!
Clean hands and a pure heart demand me to challenge myself here.
Dang!
I'm pulling up the big boots here!
song lyric...
Out on the outskirts of my freedoms
I was looking for fences that would keep me in
and I found there were none.
Where did my heart go?
Where have I been ?
He opened my eyes to the heart ache and lies
and I closed them again.
And I want to go home to my Father .
I want to be part of where
my heart says I belong.
I want to wash my weary feet in living water.
I been away way too long
I want to go home.
We defend our dishonesty on the premise that it might hurt others.
I have rationalized my phoniness into nobility.
So I settled for a non intimate relationship with her.
I wanted to punish my sister for all those long ago unacknowledged hurts.
I am being mean.
My God how much I must of hurt her over all these years as well.
How betrayed must she feel?
very I am sure
I can justify myself till I am blue in the face
two wrongs do not make a right!
I have actually been nasty and hateful by wanting to punish.
It is time to scrub these hands clean!
In my "grown up" way all I could see was how bad I was hurt.
I have rationalized my phoniness into nobility.
So I settled for a non intimate relationship with her.
Wow that is pretty Wicked!
That is what is tearing me up!
I am acting like them!
I just can't stand that in my heart!
Clean hands and a pure heart demand me to challenge myself here.
Dang!
I'm pulling up the big boots here!
song lyric...
Out on the outskirts of my freedoms
I was looking for fences that would keep me in
and I found there were none.
Where did my heart go?
Where have I been ?
He opened my eyes to the heart ache and lies
and I closed them again.
And I want to go home to my Father .
I want to be part of where
my heart says I belong.
I want to wash my weary feet in living water.
I been away way too long
I want to go home.
- Adult (Integrity, asking the precious child, protective, caring, committed, unconditional love, loyal)
safe
kind, gentle
open,honest
self-assured
powerful
truthful,consistent
content, Happy
Negotiators
reliable
chaste, good
loving
giving
Pure,good
Angry, respectful
Reality.
I know that in many ways I am an adult.
It is time I start learning more though about acting like one.
It is time I start learning more though about acting like one.
So Sis if your reading this well...
I am sorry for such a poor show of love.
I am sorry for how terribly I hurt you.
We both have to become more adult to each other.
I own that.
I am not going to pull away from you to punish
it is not my job to punish anyone.
I do so hope though to continue to fight for change,
in myself and in our relationship.
Now... to grow up and say this to your face .
I am so tired of letting that scary powerful mean
"grown up"
intimidate me from becoming your friend.
Every time I feel betrayed.
You must feel that way too.
Why here?
why public?
because this is my blog
This is my way of giving back
I do so hope that this journey can make your path
have fewer stones to stumble on.
As always your prayers made a difference in my life today
Thank you with all my washed hands and heart.
I am sorry for such a poor show of love.
I am sorry for how terribly I hurt you.
We both have to become more adult to each other.
I own that.
I am not going to pull away from you to punish
it is not my job to punish anyone.
I do so hope though to continue to fight for change,
in myself and in our relationship.
Now... to grow up and say this to your face .
I am so tired of letting that scary powerful mean
"grown up"
intimidate me from becoming your friend.
Every time I feel betrayed.
You must feel that way too.
Why here?
why public?
because this is my blog
This is my way of giving back
I do so hope that this journey can make your path
have fewer stones to stumble on.
As always your prayers made a difference in my life today
Thank you with all my washed hands and heart.
