Months of Activity

The time of challenge is finally mellowing. In August I had a total Knee replacement. After 23 days in a nursing home I was wrecked. I was physically not sexually violated and made to be a threat to the center. They treated me as they liked to remove all credibility they could. This is a common for folks who are survivors left with diagnosis like PTSD. We get labeled by them. They will use all against us, as if we are the week. I was dumb founded at the unethical behavior and filed grievance with the state medical board. Being delivered over to the center while only two days after surgery; papers placed before me with a little check mark in a box that gave them all the legal leverage to do whatever they pleased.
The people on floor were very respectful for the greatest part. It was just too stressful during a time that was set aside for me to heal. So now into my fifth month of recovering my leg my soul is settled better within me. It was an experience I hope to never see anyone repeat. I almost lost the use of my leg due to neglect on top of everything. Left for many hours several times without proper pain medication because they forgot to order it!

Stay with your loved one when you admit them into any care facility. My husband had to work and care for our kids. There was eventually a woman who was an occupational therapist who stood at my side when she too was appalled by the lack of humanity. I fought hard, there was a police man even in my room taking a statement, adult protective services as well. It was an awful mess. It almost broke me. Lies are like that and those with financial defensiveness will stop at nothing to step on another to rise them-self into an unjust stance.

Well now here I am almost half way healed in leg. My mind calmed, my heart returned into full duty as wife and mother. Actually a full time home schooling mother of a 5th and 7th grader. Hard work! I am using a charter online school that supplies the curriculum. We will have aims testing in a few weeks. My children need this time to heal. I was gone for a month and so out of it with medications (knee replacement - PAIN). Pain like you would not believe until at least month four. It is much better than it was but they say it take a year. The kids are asleep on our bedroom floor. They are healing. Before my knee I was diagnosed with the CVID that is every four weeks a six hour infusion of plasma. This was the thing that was slowly killing me. My numbers are up and health is mine with a guarded fourth week as to avoid exposure to infections. Like a true battle to win this has been an enduring fight. The kids see me and they are mindful. They are really wonderful little people with the hardships of attachment deficit disorder. Me going through all of this is hard for them. So they are a major focus. My main main focus.

The day is done and rest is coming to the dark of night. It is a good thing that all the dust is settling.


Months ahead hold many missions, pray I am competent to meet them.

R.A.D.ical responce to life

My son has Anger/loss insomnia three nights now The RAD stuff hitting him hard. With school getting ready to start and all he is just a bit insecure like WAY! I awoke at 6 am to check on him and I searched the house yards in a PANIC could not find him. He heard the front door close and came out of our bedroom where he was on the floor beside my husband. He had had a bad dream. It is always VERY had on him to separate from home. The kid does not even like to travel. He just wants his home.
So sleepy mom to comfort. So like that image in the descriptions of RAD , is chattering nonsense NONSTOP! for at least 2 hours before he began to calm. sweet baby. My thoughts are to introduce some of this to the kids like a "it's no wonder, It is just a part of how you have coped. Your learning now to function differently. Soon you just won't be coping any more you'll be thriving!"
I would walk out of the room breath deep then think how it is in his shoes go back in and keep listening and engaging
Mercy that was trying. Daddy man has him in the other room calmed for the most part but edging and easily provoked if any frustrations come his way.
Now our Daughter needs to be pulled out she is just the opposite anxious/ambivalent I will need to focus to pull her out over and over and when she is ready she knows I am here. She would just become part of the wall if not. If I do not wait for her timing she gets sorta snooty. It is a real button pusher for me. So I try to think teenager with RAD = stay calm speak to her respectfully and make it about her behavior not her heart. By guarding her heart through the dance she easily comes to offer an apology when the dust settles. I just tell her over and over how I love her for ever.

I tell them often that there is a huge difference between our REACTIONS and who we really are within our hearts. In some folk perhaps not so much but those are already hardened souls who have lost hope.

I just pray for those.

Life with RAD is not easy but understanding when the symptoms get in my face the person is most likely feeling pretty insecure and so I am simply offering a rock for them to hold to. One day they will hold fast on their own. Stand up to the RAD temptations and be able to laugh as they say

"IT'S NO WONDER!"

Now I find myself watching my own reactions seeing the roots of them and making conscience chooses to learn how to ACT intentionally in a different more educated way.