Dear Blessed Mother...
I have considered what little I know about your situation and this is what came to heart and to mind.
Of course this comes with some disclaimer (at my husbands insistence) as I am not a professional.
Here goes...
What first came to mind is that this has nothing to do with the item of food in question at all.
I saw a kid who possibly is relating to a food as a trigger to feel something "familiar". Some sort of something that is creating a possible sense of security or affiliation or playing out of a role of some kind.
The Other thing I suspect is a power struggle and a need for so sense of control to establish a sense of security and self hood. Perhaps if these things are not in place trying a technique like this...
Giving a choice of two things (within your peramiter you choose the two things) so she can have the self hood. This can begin with even the very simple of things like a choice in shampoo or a blue napkin or a white one. And reinforce it with "you make good choices". If any child is left without option they will struggle for it. Now this could be a deeply ingrained struggle for self hood never met.
For example if a kid who is abused and controlled and forced and made to do or be other than what is true to their own heart... they will look for provocation because it is scary to have life change rules mid stream.
If this sweet kid..."Militant" finds her security in that there are some things that can help her
every kid needs these basic 5 things. They are layer upon layer.
1. security
2. a sense of self
3. affiliation
4. mission
5. competency
This is what makes us able to be adults and not just "grown ups"
When these things are skewed and are attained in a twisted dysfunctional way then that way is what the kid will use to gain it, or the "grown up" will continue to use those methods even into adult hood. Self Esteem gets a bad rap in Churchianity because it is confused with pride or the ego centered on self. That is what happens if all stops and affiliation or a sense of belonging never occurs. this little girl is relating to you in a way that is in effort to gain an innate need. She is not Evil just messed up and broken. She is a good kid with a great heart that is terribly wounded. I do not know the child's age that is also a factor in the developmental milestones and delays. Regression is a common for those who have not developed but just survived.
It is so hard to explain in type I will comment and leave a way for you to contact me. I am not sure that what I am explaining is making the message I intend it to.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Inventing myself
Most children or perhaps at best many children experience the options that they may have for their adult lives. Some follow in the steps of a parent and never consider what they might choose, such a child is never given the choice. While others leave the decision up the the "all mighty dollar", for no one wants poverty. The whole of life is often centered around the fear of it ( poverty that is).
As a child the only thing I ever wanted was a home of my own. A place where I could be safe. Where someone would make sure I had my needs met for food and shelter in a loving atmosphere. That was the "big goal" I had for my future. I had a class in high school that opened the world of writing where the teacher was kind enough to let me sit out on the cement near the door. I had such severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that the class room was just too much. It was calm and safe there. I took a print shop class in high school it was more of a creative experience. I remember a science class that was very fascinating (biology) I got an A in it. Beside that I never really had much opportunity outside of school and working every other moment at the family gas station or at the house cooking and cleaning for my parents who worked 80 hour weeks. Just fed them and cleaned up after them.
Here I am 46 years old. I have spent the better part of 25 years+ making a home. Doing what I thought that meant. I decorated it with needle and thread and trinkets that were my best attempt at adding beauty. I have Made that safe home for myself and my husband and children. I had dreams of entertaining in it...but alas my husband is not to much for that. I had ideas of a garden and homemade subsistence...but alas the culture we live in does not bend itself too far toward that and it became very limited. As I dismantle the house that I spent years decorating and acquiring things for I see that I am removing myself from it. It is like I am putting myself , my old self into boxes and closing the lid only to wonder if I will still have want of those things in the future. My husband is loving the master suite that is cleared of nick knacks and such. He likes a few but we had too many. It is so much lighter somehow. Like a lifted weight but it still feels absent of me.
It is my attempt to create a naked home to be able to better market this one when the time come (and it is coming quickly) that we shall put it on the market for sale. I see how I am saying good buy to all those things I made often with just what I had on hand or was able to acquire at a discount. I am a grateful woman not one to be picky. I created beauty out of what was supplied me. I am left however to wonder who I am now. When I begin again will I reinvent me?
I wonder if I were to allow myself to ponder what I desire...who I desire to be and become will she be so much different than this me I am so familiar with?
In my youth I was re-invented out of trauma...Can I now be re-invented out of intent to BE?
What could that even look like. If I just was who I desire to be? I felt very lost this morning for a short time. I stayed in silence and prayed during the electric therapy on my neck. I asked lights out and just stayed quiet. I remembered that I am. I am a Vivacious, tenacious, White Raven! I am and I am who and what I desire. It is the desire that is within me from the design of my Creator.
I think it time to consider my design...more than just wanting a safe home, a Man that loves God... These things have come to be. I am a Mother...I am an artist in so many ways...Now it is time to begin to open myself up to the possibilities that await me.
As a child the only thing I ever wanted was a home of my own. A place where I could be safe. Where someone would make sure I had my needs met for food and shelter in a loving atmosphere. That was the "big goal" I had for my future. I had a class in high school that opened the world of writing where the teacher was kind enough to let me sit out on the cement near the door. I had such severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that the class room was just too much. It was calm and safe there. I took a print shop class in high school it was more of a creative experience. I remember a science class that was very fascinating (biology) I got an A in it. Beside that I never really had much opportunity outside of school and working every other moment at the family gas station or at the house cooking and cleaning for my parents who worked 80 hour weeks. Just fed them and cleaned up after them.
Here I am 46 years old. I have spent the better part of 25 years+ making a home. Doing what I thought that meant. I decorated it with needle and thread and trinkets that were my best attempt at adding beauty. I have Made that safe home for myself and my husband and children. I had dreams of entertaining in it...but alas my husband is not to much for that. I had ideas of a garden and homemade subsistence...but alas the culture we live in does not bend itself too far toward that and it became very limited. As I dismantle the house that I spent years decorating and acquiring things for I see that I am removing myself from it. It is like I am putting myself , my old self into boxes and closing the lid only to wonder if I will still have want of those things in the future. My husband is loving the master suite that is cleared of nick knacks and such. He likes a few but we had too many. It is so much lighter somehow. Like a lifted weight but it still feels absent of me.
It is my attempt to create a naked home to be able to better market this one when the time come (and it is coming quickly) that we shall put it on the market for sale. I see how I am saying good buy to all those things I made often with just what I had on hand or was able to acquire at a discount. I am a grateful woman not one to be picky. I created beauty out of what was supplied me. I am left however to wonder who I am now. When I begin again will I reinvent me?
I wonder if I were to allow myself to ponder what I desire...who I desire to be and become will she be so much different than this me I am so familiar with?
In my youth I was re-invented out of trauma...Can I now be re-invented out of intent to BE?
What could that even look like. If I just was who I desire to be? I felt very lost this morning for a short time. I stayed in silence and prayed during the electric therapy on my neck. I asked lights out and just stayed quiet. I remembered that I am. I am a Vivacious, tenacious, White Raven! I am and I am who and what I desire. It is the desire that is within me from the design of my Creator.
I think it time to consider my design...more than just wanting a safe home, a Man that loves God... These things have come to be. I am a Mother...I am an artist in so many ways...Now it is time to begin to open myself up to the possibilities that await me.
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