Walking Wounded

Friday, November 30, 2007

A challenge to post

It is a great challenge to visit here at my blog I find a wave of intensity that can be overwhelming and very draining. I want to offer up the things that might help save another in the agony of recovery but to do so costs me. I often become fatigued to do so. It is amazing the force of energy that goes through me when I visit here. Today I walked after the last post and I realize the power that is being unleashed to my good behalf, even if it is a bit uncomfortable to do so.

I have a friend a fellow blogger who is taking great courage to un mask "the face of trauma" in her own adopted child. She has even requested of me to share some of the things that she has found so profoundly helpful in her own journey to help her child. I have spent hours on the phone with her. It is a privileged to do so. However this has a price of exhaustion (That I am willing to invest in her and her child). In the exhaustion though I am continually healed and recharged with the awareness of how essential it is for me to come here and visit your hearts with knowledge that just may be used in part to set you free. I can not withhold that and will count the cost, measured so that I am able to function and process well those wounds I might have to open up to expose the lessons that I have learned.

I would really appreciate the prayers of the righteous on my behalf. For this is a high calling. I am a woman just like many of you I am made of clay and can easily be cracked. I know that God is handling me gently. I must take the courage to flight. I am a tenacious vivacious White Raven!
I will need the high places to rest after flight when I do open to this calling. I know we each have our destiny and purpose, most of us have many charges and duties. It is here that one is required of me that takes a great courage and sacrifice. I will do all that HE asks of me in this.
Those of you who may be agnostic please forebear with me for I am not.


I need to speak about trust. I feel my trust shaken and I need to talk about it. I knew that this man was not trust worthy and yet I minimized my radar. I let others convince me that I was over reacting. I will not allow this any more!

Trust is earned! Trust in NOT, something others convince us to do.

As a survivor we often trust without question because that is how survivors are kept victims.
Be victims NO MORE!

You see we are not given boundaries. As a matter of fact we are taught to be blind to boundaries that is how we are taken advantage of.
Boundaries are and essential part of recovery and of living verses survival.
Alright now. I see that I have a lot of work ahead of me here. To do this blog and teach you the lessons I have so painfully and with such efforts gained.

" you have to rust somebody..." was the quote that rings true in my ear. That is the memory of the event a aforementioned in the previous post. I remember the embezzler saying that"if we did not trust him don't use him". I did not trust him. Beloved made the above quote.
" you have to rust somebody..." NO YOU DON"T!

You do not ever "have to" trust someone.
Trust is earned! We have radar and we must use it. We (as survivors) have been taught to negate it (our radar). Wake it up. Not being paranoid but being wise! My sister says to me so often. "You just always seem so paranoid" or You are always so suspecting" YEP! I am.
For good reason!

The trickster is always at the door, awaiting a chance to get a hand in your pocket or worse. It is just a plain fact!
Being innocent as a Dove and WISE as the serpent you MUST understand this.
Every one of us is vulnerable to deception of our own hearts as well as others who are tempted to sacome to temptations.
Jesus said "Pray that you will not fall to temptations" thats the thing he said at the last supper. He did not say pray we wont be tempted... We will be. God gave every one free will. Choose this day Who you will serve. You can not serve two masters. Nor can others.
A brother is of the same Master... That is a choice. We must flee temptations that not only come against us personally but that come at us from others to harm us.
Wise as the serpent means open your eyes and be aware that it is happening and it is real and that your not making it up or being a bad person for keeping your eye out. Christians have been taught a blind eye. Doves we are good at being doves... But that passage has a second half.
WISE as the serpent so that we can keep an eye out in the grass for them. A dove makes a mighty tasty meal for a snake.

Doves are stupid!
I had a pair of dove that died in a cage with water right there! They did not think to look for it in any other bowl than what they were a accustom too.
They died with the life giving water right there! at the time this was so very painful for they were my pets. I felt guilty and so much remorse for not understanding that they were simply stupid. I should have known better for I was their care giver. After the fact I learned that it was common knowledge of birders that dove are very stupid. They need very special attentive care.

The text said be gentle as Dove, take after that attribute it did not say be a dove. It said be wise as a serpent Not to be one!
The Holy Spirit "as a Dove descended" gently. The Holy Spirit is not a dove, The Holy Spirit is our counselor to guide us and does so gently.

My Dear Sweet friend who just went through this. Please know that non of this energy is directed toward you. I am so sorry for what happened to you and You did not deserve it. I am angry at the tricksters.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I need to process this...

A man in prison.
When your brother (your will know them by their fruits) in Christ is a criminal. ????

A phone call just over two years ago stopped an embezzler, a man who almost stole all of our retirement. God protected us in the 11 th hour, 59.9 th second, I made a call that turned friend against friend. Caused brothers and sister in Christ to rift. But I made the call and it was the right thing to do. This man was my brother in Christ (or so I thought), he supped at my table heard my story and targeted my family. We became aware that he had over 100 citations and each one of a child p. nature. God protected my children from him and me too. Once, I allowed he and his wife to tend my kids (for two hours) and he was NEVER alone with them. Thank you God never alone with them, she assures me of this.
He is now in prison for 20-30 years and only 1 of those years is for the embezzlement and crimes he did toward his own wife and daughter. He is now off the streets. As of a month or so ago.

Night before last. In the late hours of the night my husband and I were praying for a dear friend who recently fell victim to a different man again preying on the naive trusting Christians of another church that fell hook line and sinker. Lost many thousands of dollars. We grieve for our dear friend. I am so sorry this happened to you. We were praying for you, and we are very angry that it all happened to you. We suspect many others as well were targeted.
The next evening, out of the blue. I received a phone call from the wife of the man I turned in (It had been a very long time since we had spoken). She asked me if we could get together for a sewing lesson. She was with me all evening tonight. No coincidence. We wondered what ever happened and had no idea. That he was charged and convicted of the se- crimes.

We were spared, we were his last clients. His wife even had the paper work of ours secured after the police had hand cuffed him. When I had learned that he had a weapon I went to the wife even when others thought I was over reacting. This was a brother who headed up a PRAYER MINISTRY! He targeted us! He had an addiction to se-. Embezzled over 1 Million and spent it all on prostitutes and child p. He sat in my living room praying with me hearing me story! I feel like showering just telling you this YUK! I know that if we all got what we deserved it would not be pretty. But that does not excuse us from the consequences of our actions. Our sins will find us out. It is excruciating when the body of Christ has to hold another so terribly accountable. But we must do what is right NO MATTER the price. This may have saved him from destroying a child physically for that is the next step and only God may know if he did cross that very line.

I was used in that type of photography as a small child, I had the stained panties from the torture of grown men. I am glad he is in prison!! So He is my brother perhaps? Yet I will not let sin shine in silence. I will pray for him his spirit. but his body and mind crossed a line that it is the better consequence for him than to be so easily tempted out in society!

God protected us!
We did what was right!
We risked friendships!
We stood up for the views we had that were not popular or shared!
We had the privilege to help stop a predator! Even though we were not aware at the time the full extent of his crimes.
Yes he is (was) a brother...or was he? (you will know them by their fruit)
We saw a wonderful fellowship disband from shock and the wake of the mans devistation (and other things It shook our fellowship hard!).
How many times do we forgive??70 x 7 but that does not suggest that we turn a blind eye to crime.

Jesus last said to us to pray for one another that we would resist temptation. Each one of us has a choice to resist it or not. To fulfill the lust of the flesh or flee it.

He is in prison and he will now be stopped from the advancement of this deadly addiction. Stopped from the temptations that befall him. His victims will only get half of the funds returned by the company he represented they lost half of their retirement savings. Elderly people, his response "They can afford it". His wife lost almost everything except a friendship that we hold dear. She has had to start all over again. His daughter, who he stalked and secretly harassed, devastated. He played the Christian society like a bunch of pansy's. It time we not only be gentle as a dove but WISE AS THE SERPENT!

Pray that you too will resist temptation and pray for one another.
Be Wise, Do not fall for any one in the church getting into your financial matters. You hire a reputable firm. Even then like us you could get hit, but at least the folks got half of the funds returned. Listen to your instincts. I stated mine and that is why I think that God saved us. I was not comfortable and deferred to my husband and prayed over it a lot. God preserved us.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Joy of November

All the caskets are gone from the neighborhood lawn
The pumpkins a flush in the dumpsters
witches no longer surround me
Ghost and goblins gone
November is here
In the Morning

A sunrise is is gleaming
the month of gratitude.
Mums and pansy
Fruits of the field.
feather full turkey's a child's delight
It is morning.

mourning the loss of all that I knew
Mourning the loss of the many
The few
It is finished for me
November is here

Another year to enjoy
The dawn is bright
losses will be out of sight
out of sight is the mourning
silent the tears
gone with the years

For my joy has come in the morning.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Thankful Thursday

Good Morning!
Wow that was a differnet 31 st for me!
Once it came close and it was different I had power over the mind so well. I felt like I grew up a lot. It was like well "IT IS FINISHED" is what comes to my mind. When it was spoken with such finality, and power. Firm and done.
I kept my word and told on them and now I can move on! I did what I promised I would do. I risked the wrath of it and overcame through my faith and the truth. I did what my own Mother told me too. I told on the deeds done in darkness.
That truth is setting me free!
I have never had such an ease of event passing as yesterday.
I feel powerful and strong. Like I finished a job. I told and I learned and I arose from those ashes.
Today is a new and wonderful day full of duty and joy and charge.
I have the lunches made, and the day is still quiet here all is asleep. The dogs are fed and calm.
Wow! I am so stunned at this newness I feel . Wow!
What are you up to today? Do you have a plan or project for the day? I have so many choices to do. So many wonderful bunny trails to explore and accomplish.
I rejoice in that Love that holds you and lifts you up!
My children both just woke up (6:38) happy and refreshed and awake.
Enjoy your day!
The light does dispel the darkness.

Songs of my heart