Walking Wounded

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Monday, September 30, 2013

natural aids to depression

L-Tyrosine: A Precursor to norepinephine, May be valuable to the people who do not respond to most antidepressant drugs except amphetamines.
This is part of my supplement regimen. It really helps my cortisol overload. I have PTSD.
L-phenylalanine: Converted to tyrosine ( a naturally occurring form of phenylalanine); D-phenylalanine (which does not normally occur in the body or in food) is metabolized to phenylethulamine (PEA), an amphetamine-like compound that occurs normally in the human brain and has been shown to have mood elevating effects. Studies have shown that depressed people commonly lave low levels of phenylethylamine.
I use tyrosine at night before bed and I can sleep.
5-HTP: A close relative to tryptophan and a part of the metabolic pathway that leads to serotonin production. Studies from around the world have found that 5 HTP has a true antidepressant properties.
My husband first used this during his mid life crisis. I now use it nightly and it make a huge difference in not only mood but my pain tolerance.

SAM-e: A chemical compound found in all living cells; SAM-e can be found in more than 40 biomedical processes in the body. Supplementing the diet with SAM-e in depressed patients can result in increased levels of serotonin, dopamine and phosphatides, improving binding of neurotransmitters to receptor effectiveness is its ability to make brain cells more responsive to neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine.
I have not use this yet.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Science link to adult health issues for Abuse survivors

 click on link to read study
I could of told them this. However it is a wonderful validation. My concern would be that it could be used against us who are left so effected by our childhood abuse.  The neglect to use the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but that is what they are referring too.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Update on Cortisol Connection

Being mid September now I can say that the supplements and nightly meditation has had a wonderful effect on the stress issues.   It is hard to do all the supplements every day but at least three days a week I get them all into me. Every night the b12 and 5htp is used and almost every day the multi and the stress b is taken. I have had illness three weeks. I caught an upper resp. infec from my son and have had to do antibiotics and steroids to breath.  I have infusion this week end so I am resting after having a radial nerve block in six facet joints of my low back on Tuesday last.
All in all the battle to keep off coffee and on supplements has given me many more days of good personality via reduced stress responses. The days I take supplements the well being is so pronounced. For morning meal I stick to a smoothy of blueberries, pineapple, cherries and guava nectar with a bit of rice protein powder mixed in. I add the ginger, kelp iodine and the powered multi into it. All things that or in line with eating for my blood type. I am type O neg. rh factor.
Note to Heather, Eating for blood type is also a wonderful way to help our self. Look on line or in book stores for the books. It has really helped to keep my eyes open for things that are not good for me. I still eat some things not good for me but I try to eat all the beneficials I can. Like eating food as a medicine and watching out to avoid those things that are poisons to my health. It can really make a difference. The website for eating for your blood type has a test kit you can buy to find out your blood type if you do not know it. Docs have heard of it but do not teach us about it. My immunologist is for it.

It is a good thing to educate yourself and understand why and how to advocate for life.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

The Cortisol Connection of Post Traumatic Stress

Health is a gift that is a struggle to unwrap when you live with Post Traumatic Stress. As a dear in flight for its' life is the constant flow of cortisol in the body for one who has PTSD,
Trauma comes in many forms and is much more than physiological. I am very fortunate that the Psychiatrist that worked with me tried to also manage my cortisol with pharmaceutical drugs, namely a side effect of Lamictal. The drug was never approved by the FDA for this use. He treats many Vietnam Veterans and now others coming home from war have a tough time getting help with PTSD. War after War, remember the generations of homeless men and women unable to cope or function turning to booze or drugs to feel human. There are many types of war, battles may differ but the physical effects of it remain.

PTSD has a devastating effect long term on the body. I have spent a life time trying to learn how to stop this cortisol flush. Over responding to life and stress.
It has so wreaked my body. I have learned that the long term of Cortisol is directly connected to the Common Veritable Immunoglobbulin Deficiency CVID, The long term effect of constant flight flight being on. It is thought by some to be the latter stage of the exhaustion of the adrenal system.

A book called the Cortisol Connection, Why stress makes you fat and ruins your health. Written by Shawn Talbott, PH. D. GACSM
ISBN -13:978-0-89793-492-3
Hunter House Publishers PO Box 2914, Alameda CA 945010914
Available in PDF here

This is helping me to understand more about the cascading effects of this life long issue and the end results of it left incorrectly addressed. Now I am not saying that everyone with PTSD will get the CVID and need plasma infusions every four weeks like I do. It is my hope that I might help others to be able to address it intellectually and get a good fighting chance at health. A chance at stopping it before the latter stages of it.

As I read I saw that indeed I road out the couse to a 50+ year old, Now I continue all efforts at gaining health.
It was a fascinating study of how the interactions between hormones and other biological chemicals even the very fat cells react in a response to the flight fight of the cortisol flush.

Being of a homeopathic mind set the suggested supplementation complete with explanations of each one has given me hope. Aging just makes PTSD worse. So many Veterans and survivors have an end of life marred with hopelessness. Many I have l known even taking their own lives in desperation. Maybe this can help others have a hope.

As an elder of sorts the constant insomnia has a real drain on the plasma that keeps me alive, I am making all efforts to value this gift of life. Reading last night well into the wee hours advise withing this book . the advice taken, I slept by using not only the melatonin in my herbal stash but I added 5-HTP. Within 10 minutes the cortisol flash slowed and I went to sleep! This morning NO COFFEE to start the cortisol up again , but yogurt and fruit and soon some good multi vitamins, B complex, multi minerals. Water, exercise, nutrition and supplementation.

Cortisol overage effects other hormones that give us vitality, this is helped through some supplementation that allows our own bodies to unlock the absorption of needed hormones. Without the need of taking such hormones.  There are to be found in the book several lists in chapter 9 of Foundational multivitamin and multimineral that is the first step. The next step should be targetted modulation of cortisol, HSD this is the signal that tells fat cells that famine is at hand making the fat cell cling onto every calorie, and testosterone (via PMFs, eurycoma, theanine, etc.). Then should come the reinforcements against episodes of stress in the form of a balanced adaptogen regimen. Lists, explanations and tables are found in the book as well.

I am swimming, weakly in the exhaustion of poor health with all hopes to help myself. I hope that this will help others. Left untreated it will continue a life held alive through monthly plasma infusions, inflammatory joints with fibromyalgia pain.  I do not want to depend on pain medication and muscle relaxants.I have almost stopped all pain and muscle relaxants that have left me limp and fatigued.

Being pro active is best! After years of struggle with PTSD and the health effects it is my will to help myself live. It is the best success. I hope that this might help others with information to help yourself.

Study at many universities is ongoing.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Ginger my rabbit

Today I took my rabbit to the vet. She has mites in her ears. I cleaned her ears three days ago and kept watch on her. Calling the vet I learned that she had to go to an exotic animal hospital. Vets here do not treat rabbits. When I made the call last week the cost really threw me. $65. just to see the doc. Then add medication ect. took the cost too high in my mind.
That is where my heart came in. The loving heart of my husband as well. The reality that we are responsible for her life. We as parents are responsible to teach our children by example. The bunny got a dusting of DEarth. I knew she needed more. We spoke of putting her down, that conversation ended abruptly.
Yesterday I called again and made the appointment for this morning to take her in. My MIND could not get over the cost issue.
There I stood in the office over her. The vet confirmed what I knew and reviewed the charges. He left and I awaited the nurse to come with the medication for both of our bunnies. She was a while and as I stood there in that most holy of moments my MIND gave way to the beauty of my heart.
On the wall was a print of a large field with a bunny running freely. In that instant I remembered the Rabbit that was killed over me during the stone table torture of my youth.
I came full circle today. I got to pay it forward and nurture the life of my little rabbit. I got to overcome my MIND with my heart. My husbands heart was in full agreement. My children are so happy to know that Ginger the bunny will be alright. Her life is of great value. $128. is a cost of the mind that makes little sense to it, but Ginger cared for is all the wealth this woman could ever desire.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Body Memories

We are so fearfully made. Being Body/Soul/Spirit. We who have gone through the levels of recovery than find yourself like an onion facing another layer often stand amazed. Recently it has come to my attention that the pains of a yet to be diagnosed medical condition my have some roots in body memory.
I am trying to stay off of pain medication. In doing so I began to do some yoga. Mainly stretching and breathing exercises. It makes no sense yet a lot of sense at the same time. The myofacial pain syndrome is radically helped by deep stretching. After the first class the pain was a third reduced for about 18 hours.

Years back in recovery I learned about body memory. It is deeply ingrained within us, as is scent memory. Think of a favorite memory, often a fragrance is associated. Like every time you smell apple pie perhaps you remember a grandmother.

As a survivor of torture one is deeply left with a protective state of flight/fight that is left alert. It creates a chemical compound called cortisol. A brain chemical that signals danger, adrenalin flushes into the system and the muscles tighten. For me I live with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder so my cortisol is continuous. It has left me with a muscle disorder that signals constantly on a low grade level. Think a 'BANG!' sound and how one curls into a slight fetal form. Always my body is in this state. It was so much better for a very long time. Until the month in the nursing home. All bets were off and the old protective state became influenced by the degree of pain and be-trail experience there. My body remembered being tortured un-safe. It once again locked down. It is not a mental thing. It got by my mind and I did not even realize it was happening. Now almost a year later the pain of tight constantly firing muscles has left me a mess with painful constant distress. A build up of lactic acid will get some resolve so drinking a lot of water while doing deep stretching is important. The scars on my muscles will be an issue to address.

With deep prayer and meditation friendship with my maker has directed me toward the eastern wisdom of yoga. We westerners often disregard other cultures through ignorance often missing out on the ancient knowledge. As a Christian I have also witnessed fear of other cultures expressed as prejudiced among Christian faiths. This is a sad shame that could often be cleansed with knowledge and understanding. Even tolerance is an expression of LOVE. So with a trust in my FATHER GOD I followed the path before me. Now I am not speaking of a change in religion. Not a Hindu faith, just an Eastern Knowledge and respect toward the Creator and this beautiful creation of His. I am farthing my study into the understanding based in that language so often judged. If we Westerners spoke as an East Indian the terms could be heard not as a religion but as an expression of ideas and knowledge.

After the very first class my pain was so greatly reduced just by learning breathing techniques. The second class was meditation, in Western Christian/PRAYER. See how the language is a hindrance. It was in focus stopping the focus from being run-amuck. Learning how to come to center is a gift. In the East Indian expression of terms a word chakra (means spinning wheel) is expressed the seven aspects of the body. I learned a little of this in recovery but blue it off as religion I wanted no part of. It now is to me rather a science and it really is something tangible. For example in all of my drawing throughout the years of recovery Never were there feet on any of my portraits. The feet are a grounding in this life, they are symbolic of safety. The beginning of my recovering of memories and flashbacks began after a chiropractic adjustment of my tail bone. That part of me was locked into what was referred to as tail wag syndrome. The flash backs and memories came flowing out in the years after that. I had locked it all away. Common among sexual abuse survivors.

I survived where many of my peers committed suicide in part because I went off into spirit. I lived in the chakra of the spirit. Without being based or grounded in body, I was able to endure the torments that occurred in my body, even though my body remembered the pains it endured as tensed muscles. Others went into addiction to dull the memory and blank it out. We all try to find a way to endure and survive.

When I was in the nursing home denied of pain medication after the knee replacement I went into a place where I even stopped speaking or writing. I went into and did not reach out to others hardly at all. I sort of just left and went into the quiet place of spirit. Tense in my bones and secluded into thought and prayer these last few months. It is time to once again get grounded and find that place once again that tells my soul that I will not be tortured, harmed or abandoned. I will be here for me. God will be here for me. I do not need to be afraid. That experience really left me shaken. I understand that medically the diagnosis of muscle disorder will need to be dealt with. I will however try to help myself as much as I can through diet, and stretching. I will look into the spirit and soul of this woman also to see where there is healing to found in that.

Yoga with the healing of body through stretching and the healing of soul through focus included. Now when I think of eight limbs of yoga in my mind I saw a idol of a Hindu type. With better understanding and respect of the symbolic I have a better understanding of an expression. Many who understand yoga see that it is not signally a Hindu thing. It is a way that a sage expressed knowledge. Drishti is another aspect of the knowledge. It is East Indian in language it could of been French, English, German, Russian or Hebrew, but just the language stumbles folks. It was a way that someone found words to express the deeper spiritual facts to help out the humanity surrounding them.

The first thing I grabbed was 'do no harm'. The countless times over the last month that this has come to mind while avoiding certain toxic to me foods has really helped me. Jesus taught so many of these things expressed through the translations from Hebrew to English. Using different symbols and words He expressed His heart, Gods heart. God is universal and we Westerners are not the only ones He taught wisdom to.

Learn from everything, chew on it spit it out if ya want but I have found some nutrients here. God is using this knowledge in the healing of my body/soul and spirit. Perhaps it might be of help to you as well.

I have no intention of being Hindu or becoming Buddhist, but I think I can glean and learn from others.

Drishti is relating to concentration. It is also a term used in Buddhism. Here however I am just learning to think of it in terms of concentration, intentional focus not as a religious practice.

Just for Cultural study here is the ...


The source of dṛṣṭis in yoga is limbs five and six from the eight limbs of yoga. The fifth limb of yoga pratyahara concerns sense withdrawal. To avoid the delusion and suffering caused by preoccupation with sense objects as described in the Maitri Upanishad, sense withdrawal is practiced in order to help the practitioner become "centered". According to tantric philosophy, keeping "centered" madhya will eventually suspend the mind and prana, allowing recognition of bhairava, or device consciousness.[1]
The sixth limb of yoga dharana (concentration), includes maintaining dṛṣṭi during yoga practice in order to ensure dhyana meditation will occur.[

Read below to help you discover the meaning of your drishti


Red Drishti

The color Red is symbolic of the root chakra also called Muladara (mula means root) chakra (means spinning wheel) and is located at the base of your spine. The red drishti could help you focus on you living or financial situation. It can also symbolize what is truly important to you. There are eight limbs of Yoga. The first limb is the Yamas (means right living). There are five of them. The first one is called Ahimsa which means non-harming. Ahimsa relates to being kind to yourself. This is the mula or root of being a path of yoga. This drishti can also remind you of your path.

Orange Drishti

The color Orange is symbolic of the sacral chakra also called Swadhistana Chakra. This chakra is located about an inch below the belly button. It is symbolic for sensual energy and also creative energy. This drishti could help you get over a creative slump or remind you to feel more beautiful in your own skin. The second limb of yoga is the Niyamas. There are five Niyamas and one of them is Santosha. Santosha is accepting and being grateful for what you have. This is key for a happy life. Let this drishti inspire you to keep a gratitude journal so that you will always remember how lucky you are.

Yellow Drishti

The color Yellow is symbolic for the solar-plexes chakra and is also called Manipura Chakra. This chakra is located just below the ribcage. Manipura is symbolic of the gut feelings you have, or intuition. Let this drishti remind you to trust your inner wisdom and not to worry. All the answers you need are within you. The third limb of yoga is Asana or poses. Yes, poses are only one of the eight limbs. Your yellow drishti can remind you to practice yoga so that your body is tone, fine-tuned and healthy. Then your intuition will be working at its peak performance.

Green Drishti

The color Green is symbolic for the heart chakra and is also called Anahata. This chakra is located right in the middle of your ribcage. It is concerned with all things LOVE. Let this drishti remind you that LOVE is the answer. Show compassion to someone who may not even deserve it. Make some stranger’s day and pay forward a token of generosity. Remember all the love you put out in the world multiplies infinitely. The forth limb is Pranayama. Pranayama is breath control. Prana means life force. Let your beautiful drishti remind you to follow your breath and when you do that, you will be in the moment, where love is.

Blue Drishti

The color Blue is symbolic of the throat chakra and is also called Vishuddha. This chakra is located in the neck. This chakra is all about all forms of self-expression. Let a person know what you do that is special. Tell someone how you really feel. Sing! Dance! Play! The fifth limb of yoga is Pratyahara which means to control the senses. This is done by meditating on an inner focus. This inner focus can be on a point (like a drishti) or an idea. Choose an idea that helps you really know what you want to express in the world. Remember every word, and every thought is an action and they can make the world a better place or cause harm. Spending time focusing on true expression will help you to not cause harm.

Purple Drishti

Purple is symbolic for the third eye chakra. The third eye chakra is also called Anja. It is located between the eyebrows. This chakra is about exploring and focusing on the spiritual or higher self. Use your purple drishti to focus on your life's purpose or what yogi’s call Dharma. Maybe you are just looking for a way to connect with God or your higher power. Let this drishti help remind you to do that. Dharana is the sixth limb of yoga and the drishti is one of the wonderful tools to help you cultivated it. Dharana is about on pointed focus, completely immersing yourself in an activity, meditation or a yoga practice. When you do this everything else falls away and you are in the present moment. Let your drishti help you find the present moment!

Clear Drishti

Clear represents the highest chakra, the crown chakra. Sahasrara is the Sanskrit name for the crown chakra. Clear is every color in the spectrum and none of them at the same time. So like the color, Sahasrara is about everything in the world or even universe and none of it at the same time. Let your clear drishti remind you that you are very important and the world was made for you, and also everyone and everything out there is just as important as the world, and the universe was made for them too. The seventh limb of yoga is Dhyana. It is meditation on the divine. It is also devotion to the divine. If you believe in God, then let the drishti remind you of your love for God and his love for you. Let yourself be overwhelmed. If you do not believe in God let the drishti remind you of nature, the forces of nature, and all that still is just waiting to be discovered.

White Drishti

Pundarika means “white lotus” in Sanskrit. It is a symbol of purity and innocence. The lotus flower grows in mucky ponds and makes its way to the top to show it’s beauty. It rises above all the mud and makes something beautiful out of it. It is magic. The white drishti is to remind you of how much you can really do out of things that may not seem like much. You are more than your circumstances.

Black Drishti

In yoga there are five Kleshas. When you are living in the Kleshas you are seeing the world in a distorted way.
  • Ignorance (avidya)- not knowing the right way
  • Ego (asmita)- believing only you know the right way
  • Attachment to Pleasure (raga) – seeking pleasure over what is right or healthy
  • Aversion to Pain (dvesa) – running from things that could hurt you
  • Fear of Death (abhinivesah)- clinging to life
Let your black drishti remind you that you might not be seeing the big picture and to have faith.

Pearlized Drishti

If your drishti seems to have a pearly sheen to it, let it remind you of balance. This balance is for your life, that you will have the wisdom to know what to do, when to do it and that you will know when to say yes and when to say now. Within this balance, your dreams will come true.

Songs of my heart