I suppose I risk offending.
It is my heart is to say that I really care about all of you.
I really do not like devision and judgments based on religion. (the last post) This is what I came to on my 20th birthday. A kind woman who came to me, when I was in desperation asking God to show me why to live. She fed me as my body was hungry being with little food and faulty shelter. She laid an open Bible on my lap to this passage. I said O.K. God whatever you have for my life I am yours and I take it as truth, that YOU do love me.
My life turned around but not without a great battle and struggle to be free.
At this time of year my heart wants for all of you, SAFETY and REST.
So Please pardon me if I offend, but you matter more to me than what rejection I may face in sharing this text.
Safety in this present day and for ever throughout eternity be yours my dear readers. May God's peace and rest envelop your lives.
It is a few days now from when the ceremonies will begin. I weep inside with knowledge to great to understand on my own. So I ask all of you no matter your traditions of beliefs Please pray for the children in the sights of those who would worship another than the Living God. These children are in for a life stunting event and the people who perform such deeds are sentenced to an eternity that grieves me to think of happening to even my own greatest enemies. Please pray that they would turn from their deeds and repent. That God would even heal them. Sending legions of angels to battle over those lives in the cross fire.
I am weeping having known the price personally. I have in my recovery, many dear friends who could not bear the consequences of the harm done to them. Who's lives were lost to the devistation of the knowledge of what occurred to them. The lives now gone on before me, yet I live knowing the seriousness of this next few days. Please pray for me as the faces of memories are bolted behind the vail of love. This is such a hard time of the year for me. I feel so very lonely in this. I am so sad that the people are blind and ridicule me, and the truth as if it does not really happening. I know of a fact that it is still occurring. I am helping now a dear adoptive mother of a child who within the last 6 years had the same things done to her. This is real people. Please pray for her and this dear child trying to overcome the devastations of satanic ritualistic abuse. Covens are real.
I weep and pray and strain to stay in the quiet of the stillness, in the palm of HIS hand embraced as more than a survivor, an overcomer! I still stand in the cross hairs of the spiritual evil that would desire my silence.
The light can not be silenced, but when even fellow Christians attempt to dismiss me I count it as loss to the glory of the great Most High who has the power to even in this overcome within me to cause me to speak.
Please pray for the children who are being dedicated on those stone tables of hell. I know that like myself they will be given mercy in the midst. I know that God will give them a spiritual way of escape. But to have to learn how to live after a life of survival and existence is harder than most can do. I do not want even one to ever have to know what I have known.
Friday, October 26, 2007
What I believe according to my manuel.
In order that every one who believes in Him-who cleaves to Him, trust Him and relies on Him-may not perish, but have eternal life and [actually] live forever!
FOR GOD SO GREATLY LOVED AND DEARLY PRIZED THE WORLD THAT HE [EVEN] GAVE UP HIS ONLY-BEGOTTEN (UNIQUE) SON, SO THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN (TRUSTS, CLINGS TO , RELIES ON) HIM SHALL NOT PERISH-COME TO DESTRUCTION, BE LOST-BUT HAVE ETERNAL (EVERLASTING) LIFE.
FOR GOD DID NOT SEND THE SON INTO THE WORLD IN ORDER TO JUDGE-TO REJECT, TO CONDEMN, TO PASS SENTENCE ON - THE WORLD; BUT THAT THE WORLD MIGHT FIND SALVATION AND BE MADE SAFE AND SOUND THROUGH HIM.
He who believes on Him-who clings to, trust in, relies on Him- is not judged (he who trusts in Him never comes up for judgment; for him there is no rejection, no condemnation; he incurs no damnation).But he who does not believe (not cleave to, rely on trust in Him) is judged already; (he has already been convicted; has already received his sentence) because he has not believed on and trusted in the name of the only begotten Son of God- He is condemned for refusing to let his trust rest in Christ's name.
The [basis of the] judgment (indictment, the test by which men are judged, the ground for the sentence) lies in this: that the Light is come into the world, and people have loved the darkness rather than and more than the Light, for their works (deed) were evil.
For every wrongdoer hates (loathes, detests) the light and will not come out into the light, but shrinks from it, lest his works - his deeds, his activities, his conduct- be exposed and reproved.
FOR GOD SO GREATLY LOVED AND DEARLY PRIZED THE WORLD THAT HE [EVEN] GAVE UP HIS ONLY-BEGOTTEN (UNIQUE) SON, SO THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN (TRUSTS, CLINGS TO , RELIES ON) HIM SHALL NOT PERISH-COME TO DESTRUCTION, BE LOST-BUT HAVE ETERNAL (EVERLASTING) LIFE.
FOR GOD DID NOT SEND THE SON INTO THE WORLD IN ORDER TO JUDGE-TO REJECT, TO CONDEMN, TO PASS SENTENCE ON - THE WORLD; BUT THAT THE WORLD MIGHT FIND SALVATION AND BE MADE SAFE AND SOUND THROUGH HIM.
He who believes on Him-who clings to, trust in, relies on Him- is not judged (he who trusts in Him never comes up for judgment; for him there is no rejection, no condemnation; he incurs no damnation).But he who does not believe (not cleave to, rely on trust in Him) is judged already; (he has already been convicted; has already received his sentence) because he has not believed on and trusted in the name of the only begotten Son of God- He is condemned for refusing to let his trust rest in Christ's name.
The [basis of the] judgment (indictment, the test by which men are judged, the ground for the sentence) lies in this: that the Light is come into the world, and people have loved the darkness rather than and more than the Light, for their works (deed) were evil.
For every wrongdoer hates (loathes, detests) the light and will not come out into the light, but shrinks from it, lest his works - his deeds, his activities, his conduct- be exposed and reproved.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I am growing everyday
I Posted on my other blog something I am going through this year trying to deal with this time of year.
For those of you who have experienced Ritualistic Abuse around this time of year perhaps this may take away some of the power over us.
Don't ever let your suffering be dismissed, but gain knowledge about your offenders. They will become less a threat and smaller in stature over you. Taking our power back. the gift of fear is wisdom. The begining of wisdom is understanding it will gain the knowledge that can free us from the crippling fear.
For those of you who have experienced Ritualistic Abuse around this time of year perhaps this may take away some of the power over us.
Don't ever let your suffering be dismissed, but gain knowledge about your offenders. They will become less a threat and smaller in stature over you. Taking our power back. the gift of fear is wisdom. The begining of wisdom is understanding it will gain the knowledge that can free us from the crippling fear.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Out of the Woods
Timeless investments
A song bird sings
Hear me O woodland
Of wonder and beauty
I see your clean soil
Spoiled by the deeds evil
You are vast and hidden
Good and sweet
Perfumed with clean
Quiet screams echo
Silence now pleasure
It is safe to return to you now
Now that I am out of the woods
by The Poet Maker
A song bird sings
Hear me O woodland
Of wonder and beauty
I see your clean soil
Spoiled by the deeds evil
You are vast and hidden
Good and sweet
Perfumed with clean
Quiet screams echo
Silence now pleasure
It is safe to return to you now
Now that I am out of the woods
by The Poet Maker
Thursday, October 11, 2007
"You lift me up" award.
Deborah over at "Chocolate and Coffee"
Sent me this Kind Award
She Wrote:
Donetta at A Life Restored is also a new site I have recently become acquainted with. God is also using her to touch lives of women in an amazing way.
There are so many wonderful ladies in blog world that are truly doing an incredible job for Jesus Christ. Hats off to each of you today! Thank you for your obedience and commitment to the calling God has placed on your lives.
Sent me this Kind Award
She Wrote:
Donetta at A Life Restored is also a new site I have recently become acquainted with. God is also using her to touch lives of women in an amazing way.
There are so many wonderful ladies in blog world that are truly doing an incredible job for Jesus Christ. Hats off to each of you today! Thank you for your obedience and commitment to the calling God has placed on your lives.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
"Blogging Best Friends Award"
Shawna over at "Scamps Place", If you only knew the encouragement I felt at seeing this thoughtful gift.
The award she gave me was the Blogging Friend Forever Award, which is "presented to awesome BLOG owners who keep their readers excited about their posts. Their blog posts are interesting (NOT spammy) and worth reading and keep their subscribers looking forward to each and every post."
She wrote:
I will be giving this award to a few other blogging friends who really give their hearts out during their posts:
Donetta at A Life Uncommom and A Life Restored. She shares the dark struggles God was able to bring her out of. She definitely has a life-changing story that God gave her the ability to be able to share.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Trick or treating in 6th grade.
I have many experiences in my lifetime that haunt me. During this time of year one in particular comes as a haunting from time to time.
As most parents do mine trusted my sister 2 years elder than I to look after me and my girl friend. The older kids being in Jr. High were taken by temptations to follow the cute High School boys to a party I assume.
Children left to "have fun" are so often made vulnerable to the wicked who lie in wait for the naive.
Sixth graders are very naive. We two girls who had a crush on a very cute boy in our class went to knock on his door. That knock was a tap into the loss of our innocence. We interred a home where the parents had gone out on a night out leaving the kids unattended. So the boy in our class invited his buddy over and we unknowingly innocently trusting proceeded to test the waters of temptations and dares. We all played a very childish game of spin the bottle. We had sodas and without realizing the dangers found our selfs drugged. In a night of horror the elder siblings of the boys were upstairs with a group of older boys, guiding the 6th grade boys into our demise. Drugged each of us were then taken into separate rooms where one by one time after time we were repeatedly gang raped. We awoke outside in the yard of the house not really clear headed we somehow made it back to my girl friends house. Her parents thought we were spending the night at my house and visa versa. We awoke in her tree house. At sunrise I walked home. We never spoke a word to each other. We never looked into each others eye. My parents never understood why our friendship (she had been my best friend for years) had ended so suddenly.
I saw that girl once more, it was a year or so later. I had come home from school to find her at my house. We had moved and to see her standing there at my dining table I was taken into a stupor of shock. It was then that my Mother proceeded to tell my that my dog had died in the night. My Mom thought the support of my girl friend would help. You see after being drugged we were never really sure what had happened. It was surreal but never spoken of.
I tried to visit her 20 years back. Just after we married and we went to my old home town to visit my Mom. I knocked on her door and there was her Mother, In a spin my mind whirled to feel a danger in the midst of her presence. (many years later now, I believed I know where our parents my have known each other from). She was gone to another state.
Well I have often thought of this girl. and during my recovery dealing with the memory of the gang rape I thought of her.
During the spring of this year I had a message on my phone machine. It was her.
Her and her husband were welcomed instantly to come and visit. We had several calls in a few days time. Her husband had heard so much about me for so many years from her and she had been searching for me for so many years and had longed desperately to find me. During one call I mentioned that the childhood I had was so abusive.
She said"why didn't you tell me?", I told her that I was told that they would hurt her or any one else that I loved.
She never called again. She would not respond to any of my calls or messages. Her husbands cell phone received messages and no reply. This is the same woman who desperately tried to find me for over twenty years. Now gone without a word. abrupt and silent. I wonder if It were just that I was to be the catalyst for the begining of her recovery or what. She had just become a Christian they were just going to start to go to a neighborhood church.
Silence.
Evil prevailed in the silence.
In sixth grade silence overcame us. Christ new in her heart allowed us to meet up again. In exposing evil, silence overtook us again. This time I am left with a palpable absence of her presence...
I always wondered what ever happened to her. Last I now know that she found Christ. It will have to be enough. She was so thrilled so happy to find me. When I told her of my loss of detailed memories of trips we took to Disney Land I lost some luster in her eye. When evil happens good is eradicated by the trauma. I cant help but feel I let her down. I am left saddened upon the memory of it.
Don't just let your kids go out and "have fun". Don't just depend on children to watch your children. Temptation is so great to lead into harms way. My elder Sister began to run away shortly after meeting up with the older group.
As most parents do mine trusted my sister 2 years elder than I to look after me and my girl friend. The older kids being in Jr. High were taken by temptations to follow the cute High School boys to a party I assume.
Children left to "have fun" are so often made vulnerable to the wicked who lie in wait for the naive.
Sixth graders are very naive. We two girls who had a crush on a very cute boy in our class went to knock on his door. That knock was a tap into the loss of our innocence. We interred a home where the parents had gone out on a night out leaving the kids unattended. So the boy in our class invited his buddy over and we unknowingly innocently trusting proceeded to test the waters of temptations and dares. We all played a very childish game of spin the bottle. We had sodas and without realizing the dangers found our selfs drugged. In a night of horror the elder siblings of the boys were upstairs with a group of older boys, guiding the 6th grade boys into our demise. Drugged each of us were then taken into separate rooms where one by one time after time we were repeatedly gang raped. We awoke outside in the yard of the house not really clear headed we somehow made it back to my girl friends house. Her parents thought we were spending the night at my house and visa versa. We awoke in her tree house. At sunrise I walked home. We never spoke a word to each other. We never looked into each others eye. My parents never understood why our friendship (she had been my best friend for years) had ended so suddenly.
I saw that girl once more, it was a year or so later. I had come home from school to find her at my house. We had moved and to see her standing there at my dining table I was taken into a stupor of shock. It was then that my Mother proceeded to tell my that my dog had died in the night. My Mom thought the support of my girl friend would help. You see after being drugged we were never really sure what had happened. It was surreal but never spoken of.
I tried to visit her 20 years back. Just after we married and we went to my old home town to visit my Mom. I knocked on her door and there was her Mother, In a spin my mind whirled to feel a danger in the midst of her presence. (many years later now, I believed I know where our parents my have known each other from). She was gone to another state.
Well I have often thought of this girl. and during my recovery dealing with the memory of the gang rape I thought of her.
During the spring of this year I had a message on my phone machine. It was her.
Her and her husband were welcomed instantly to come and visit. We had several calls in a few days time. Her husband had heard so much about me for so many years from her and she had been searching for me for so many years and had longed desperately to find me. During one call I mentioned that the childhood I had was so abusive.
She said"why didn't you tell me?", I told her that I was told that they would hurt her or any one else that I loved.
She never called again. She would not respond to any of my calls or messages. Her husbands cell phone received messages and no reply. This is the same woman who desperately tried to find me for over twenty years. Now gone without a word. abrupt and silent. I wonder if It were just that I was to be the catalyst for the begining of her recovery or what. She had just become a Christian they were just going to start to go to a neighborhood church.
Silence.
Evil prevailed in the silence.
In sixth grade silence overcame us. Christ new in her heart allowed us to meet up again. In exposing evil, silence overtook us again. This time I am left with a palpable absence of her presence...
I always wondered what ever happened to her. Last I now know that she found Christ. It will have to be enough. She was so thrilled so happy to find me. When I told her of my loss of detailed memories of trips we took to Disney Land I lost some luster in her eye. When evil happens good is eradicated by the trauma. I cant help but feel I let her down. I am left saddened upon the memory of it.
Don't just let your kids go out and "have fun". Don't just depend on children to watch your children. Temptation is so great to lead into harms way. My elder Sister began to run away shortly after meeting up with the older group.
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