Walking Wounded

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Trick or treating in 6th grade.

I have many experiences in my lifetime that haunt me. During this time of year one in particular comes as a haunting from time to time.
As most parents do mine trusted my sister 2 years elder than I to look after me and my girl friend. The older kids being in Jr. High were taken by temptations to follow the cute High School boys to a party I assume.
Children left to "have fun" are so often made vulnerable to the wicked who lie in wait for the naive.
Sixth graders are very naive. We two girls who had a crush on a very cute boy in our class went to knock on his door. That knock was a tap into the loss of our innocence. We interred a home where the parents had gone out on a night out leaving the kids unattended. So the boy in our class invited his buddy over and we unknowingly innocently trusting proceeded to test the waters of temptations and dares. We all played a very childish game of spin the bottle. We had sodas and without realizing the dangers found our selfs drugged. In a night of horror the elder siblings of the boys were upstairs with a group of older boys, guiding the 6th grade boys into our demise. Drugged each of us were then taken into separate rooms where one by one time after time we were repeatedly gang raped. We awoke outside in the yard of the house not really clear headed we somehow made it back to my girl friends house. Her parents thought we were spending the night at my house and visa versa. We awoke in her tree house. At sunrise I walked home. We never spoke a word to each other. We never looked into each others eye. My parents never understood why our friendship (she had been my best friend for years) had ended so suddenly.
I saw that girl once more, it was a year or so later. I had come home from school to find her at my house. We had moved and to see her standing there at my dining table I was taken into a stupor of shock. It was then that my Mother proceeded to tell my that my dog had died in the night. My Mom thought the support of my girl friend would help. You see after being drugged we were never really sure what had happened. It was surreal but never spoken of.
I tried to visit her 20 years back. Just after we married and we went to my old home town to visit my Mom. I knocked on her door and there was her Mother, In a spin my mind whirled to feel a danger in the midst of her presence. (many years later now, I believed I know where our parents my have known each other from). She was gone to another state.
Well I have often thought of this girl. and during my recovery dealing with the memory of the gang rape I thought of her.
During the spring of this year I had a message on my phone machine. It was her.
Her and her husband were welcomed instantly to come and visit. We had several calls in a few days time. Her husband had heard so much about me for so many years from her and she had been searching for me for so many years and had longed desperately to find me. During one call I mentioned that the childhood I had was so abusive.
She said"why didn't you tell me?", I told her that I was told that they would hurt her or any one else that I loved.
She never called again. She would not respond to any of my calls or messages. Her husbands cell phone received messages and no reply. This is the same woman who desperately tried to find me for over twenty years. Now gone without a word. abrupt and silent. I wonder if It were just that I was to be the catalyst for the begining of her recovery or what. She had just become a Christian they were just going to start to go to a neighborhood church.
Evil prevailed in the silence.
In sixth grade silence overcame us. Christ new in her heart allowed us to meet up again. In exposing evil, silence overtook us again. This time I am left with a palpable absence of her presence...
I always wondered what ever happened to her. Last I now know that she found Christ. It will have to be enough. She was so thrilled so happy to find me. When I told her of my loss of detailed memories of trips we took to Disney Land I lost some luster in her eye. When evil happens good is eradicated by the trauma. I cant help but feel I let her down. I am left saddened upon the memory of it.
Don't just let your kids go out and "have fun". Don't just depend on children to watch your children. Temptation is so great to lead into harms way. My elder Sister began to run away shortly after meeting up with the older group.


Denise said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart dear one. Reading this broke my heart, and made me cry like a baby. I pray that by sharing your horrible experience, that others will learn from it. You are covered in my prayers. I love you, never forget that.

Connie@Little Red Hearts From God said...

you aren't alone in sharing this story... but it took great courage...

ephesians.. says bring the darkness to the light...
and you just did that... and you probably have been... for it is bringing tremendous healing...

I know that pain... and I can hear that in your voice.. that even though you have started a path of healing... the innocence stolen from you.. still haunts you...the walking wounded.. great song..

I have been where you are.. and the healing is a long road.. but you do get there...

ps.. thanks for your visit...I'm glad I got to come by and visit you

Live the supernatural

Corey~living and loving said...

oh how my heart hurts for you and your friend. I can not imagine the heavy weight of the silence. :(
many hugs for you donetta.

Bob said...

Thank you for sharing, which must have been so very difficult. Those bastards have probably done more evil many times to others, too. Thanks for giving us parents good advice. We will follow it.

Songs of my heart