Walking Wounded

Monday, January 28, 2008

An unwelcome guest.

There once was a woman who had been married several times with a long list of children by different biological fathers she again had conceived. Although she had had one daughter by the present husband the second child was not welcome. So much so that the fetus within heard a hell through the wall.
Today a friend posted about the rejection of the fetus in the womb.
During the time of gestation the woman and the man had drag out ,pull the shot gun blow out fights. One ended with my mother being kicked down the stairs with she was 9 months pregnant with me. That was how my entry into this world began. They raced in his car to the hospital and I was then born...Those first words spoken over me were such a curse. "Geesh such a fattie" and My god she sure is fat!" were the first words spoken over me. I spoiled their party.
Through a process of theophostic counseling I realized the message I heard loud and clear was that I spoiled their party. Well I should of been the honored guest. This took a lot of healing but once I saw why I tend to apologize for my existence it made a lot of sense.

I believe that our feelings in there pure form are a gift from the Creator.

Each having a purposed gift to it. When a feeling is appropriate you have...
Fear =wisdom to respond accordingly (fight /flight)
anger=strength to effect a solution
sorrow=healing by seeing the wound for what it is and grieving it (grief is a process).
guilt=amends, apologize identifying the error and owning it. Then change the way you respond in the future.
shame=a change in behavior (what you do) Knowing who you are is vital. A child of a loving God.
loneliness=reaching out to God and to others. Admitting that you can not do it alone. Learning to chose who you trust and who not to trust.

But under the authority of the perverse it is turned around to a harm...
Fear=terror or powerlessness. Inappropriate fear causes us to give our power over to another.
anger=violence getting the result by force.
sorrow=crushing, crippling wounding. The wounds that run so deep as to never surface to be healed.
guilt=rebellion or "I am bad verses What I did was bad" Can not own it or rejects the self and not the bad action.
shame=loss of self worth (shame of who you are verses what you have done)
loneliness=isolation from others with intent to punish.

This turning around of what was intended to make us dynamic causes a broken down mess.
When folks are a mess the gift is missing and all become human doings (apposed to the human being we are created to be).
Then occurs a triangle that is a prison.
The Rage triad
anger
fear of loss/or loss
inappropriate shame/or guilt

When you find yourself raging, your just stuck in feelings that are handicapped from a normal function. But this is a disability that can be turned into a normal ability with knowledge and skill.
By Identifying RAGE when it happens stepping back you then can identify

1. What your angry about so that you have the appropriate energy to change it

2. What it is that you are afraid of losing or what you lost and the wisdom to respond to it on purpose with appropriate intent. Letting go of the loss.

3. If it is shame, change a behavior. If it is guilt then make the appropriate amends.

When you do so the triad loses a corner and the rage is defused. It is a good trick to use when your being raged at too.

4 comments:

Theresa said...

You are so right- Every child should be the center of the party.

You are in my prayers along with all the other children who should be celebrated.

There is not much I can say after reading such an emotional blog, but I hope your spirit will lift you beyond the pain of yesterday, so you can enjoy the future.

Denise said...

Every child should be the reason for the celebration, so true. I pray for all children, and I pray for you my dear sis. I love you.

Bob said...

This is beautifully expressed. I love how you put these concepts in your own words, which tells me that you really have tried to integrate the concepts into your own life.

Becks said...

This is really neat. Thank you for the awesome perspective on negative emotions, their source in our Creator, and their usefulness when they arise. I was raised to believe all negative emotion was evil, so just as you explain, my childhood was filled with a lot of raging - by all eight of my family members. I carried that tendency into adulthood, into my marriage, into my parenting. Then one day my husband's dad changed everything for me. He gave me alternatives, which are just what you described above. Oh, the blessing of those alternatives. They changed everything.

Songs of my heart