Originally Posted 2007
This is an attempt to overcome fear of rejection and to overcome fear of exposing the truth!
I have offended many over the years by telling them what holloween and full moons were like for me as a kid. Who am I, is my big question. One who lets darkness win through silence, or one who overcomes darkness by exposing it to the light. I am the latter!
Some of my earliest memories of the ceremony and worship of the dark side that I experienced here follows.
One of the hardest involved being up in the canyon at the lodge where they gathered. Very late into the night of the moons shining upon them they would begin. After the normal families left and the "die hards" lit the bonfire and continued to binge on the feasts and drink the hard booze it would commence. There was a man who was the leader. He would "all gather, lets get this thing on the road" and cheers would sound up as the wild tones would echo. I and other kids, children of the others there were in a cabin like building. The big kids would then get the little kid that was chosen by the adults. That night it was me.
Folks say that Oct.31 is just an innocent night I stand to differ!
In a cloth bag the big kids (those I now feel most sorry for), placed me. Like well humored or ill humored bullies I was spun around and dizzy. I was laughing innocently ,yet then fear and anger; they would not let me out. The bag was getting dusty for it was drug through the camp. I began to hurt and the air in the bag was stuffy. It stopped That man he was the big man who was the talker and leader of it. He opened it up and every one cheered! he smiled at me. "Let me get you out of there..." smiling at me I felt safe from the bullies. He lifted me up high on the stone table. Everyone cheered and laughed. I was so tired and after a drink, I laid down. He had a bunny. I liked the bunny a lot. He was my friend and he was so soft he was scared. I got very sleepy from the drink. They were all around the table looking at me. Then the big boys were told they had a privilege and a responsibility they felt proud,and stood there. The cup was gold and it was above my face. The bunny screaming and then silent. I went away with him and watched from the forest with the Forest Angel. She was nice and the bunny was in a different body cause the other one was being drained into the cup. I was in a shadow body cause my other one was still on the table.
They took her clothes off she was pretty and tiny. The bunny gave her a drink from the cup and everyone had a sip too. I did not like it. The songs were there yukky songs and looking at the moon. I stayed with Forest Angel, she was nice.
The body on the table had brown hair that was bad she had to be made white. The big boys made her white on both sides and it hurt her, they raped me, a lot.
The man said they did well to whiten me. The girls (my) mom was over at the fire she had food dripping at her mouth and her husband was drunk, bad drunk, over at the fire. They were praised for their offering. The little girl bled. I was hurt bad. Then they wrapped me in the blanket and the Forest Angel let go of my hand and I was her again.
I could not get clean enough. It burnt the hot water just would not take it all away off of me and out of me and I just died there, inside, no more to be.
The next day I then began again. A new girl who nobody could know . I just hid behind my eyes. I was only a little girl.
That is what it means to me.
I hate holloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had been chosen weeks before and they worked on my parents to allow it to happen to me.
I was in recovery for three years when I was ready to commit suicide thinking I must be crazy to remember such things when my sister 18 years elder came forward and apologized for not coming forward sooner. I had given her the courage to do so.
I am 17 years out now and I still have to be removed to tell you of the deeds done in darkness.
It is not an innocent night!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somewhere a family is being set up, a child is being primed. Children are scared for life when used as the offenders. This is done to keep witnesses silent!!!
This is an attempt to overcome fear of rejection and to overcome fear of exposing the truth!
I have offended many over the years by telling them what holloween and full moons were like for me as a kid. Who am I, is my big question. One who lets darkness win through silence, or one who overcomes darkness by exposing it to the light. I am the latter!
Some of my earliest memories of the ceremony and worship of the dark side that I experienced here follows.
One of the hardest involved being up in the canyon at the lodge where they gathered. Very late into the night of the moons shining upon them they would begin. After the normal families left and the "die hards" lit the bonfire and continued to binge on the feasts and drink the hard booze it would commence. There was a man who was the leader. He would "all gather, lets get this thing on the road" and cheers would sound up as the wild tones would echo. I and other kids, children of the others there were in a cabin like building. The big kids would then get the little kid that was chosen by the adults. That night it was me.
Folks say that Oct.31 is just an innocent night I stand to differ!
In a cloth bag the big kids (those I now feel most sorry for), placed me. Like well humored or ill humored bullies I was spun around and dizzy. I was laughing innocently ,yet then fear and anger; they would not let me out. The bag was getting dusty for it was drug through the camp. I began to hurt and the air in the bag was stuffy. It stopped That man he was the big man who was the talker and leader of it. He opened it up and every one cheered! he smiled at me. "Let me get you out of there..." smiling at me I felt safe from the bullies. He lifted me up high on the stone table. Everyone cheered and laughed. I was so tired and after a drink, I laid down. He had a bunny. I liked the bunny a lot. He was my friend and he was so soft he was scared. I got very sleepy from the drink. They were all around the table looking at me. Then the big boys were told they had a privilege and a responsibility they felt proud,and stood there. The cup was gold and it was above my face. The bunny screaming and then silent. I went away with him and watched from the forest with the Forest Angel. She was nice and the bunny was in a different body cause the other one was being drained into the cup. I was in a shadow body cause my other one was still on the table.
They took her clothes off she was pretty and tiny. The bunny gave her a drink from the cup and everyone had a sip too. I did not like it. The songs were there yukky songs and looking at the moon. I stayed with Forest Angel, she was nice.
The body on the table had brown hair that was bad she had to be made white. The big boys made her white on both sides and it hurt her, they raped me, a lot.
The man said they did well to whiten me. The girls (my) mom was over at the fire she had food dripping at her mouth and her husband was drunk, bad drunk, over at the fire. They were praised for their offering. The little girl bled. I was hurt bad. Then they wrapped me in the blanket and the Forest Angel let go of my hand and I was her again.
I could not get clean enough. It burnt the hot water just would not take it all away off of me and out of me and I just died there, inside, no more to be.
The next day I then began again. A new girl who nobody could know . I just hid behind my eyes. I was only a little girl.
That is what it means to me.
I hate holloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had been chosen weeks before and they worked on my parents to allow it to happen to me.
I was in recovery for three years when I was ready to commit suicide thinking I must be crazy to remember such things when my sister 18 years elder came forward and apologized for not coming forward sooner. I had given her the courage to do so.
I am 17 years out now and I still have to be removed to tell you of the deeds done in darkness.
It is not an innocent night!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somewhere a family is being set up, a child is being primed. Children are scared for life when used as the offenders. This is done to keep witnesses silent!!!
1 comment:
my love to you Donetta! I hate that I have fallen to the thought of innocent fun on Halloween. I hate that I have not learned my lesson from your stories of last year, and I have allowed Sugar Bear to celebrate on such a horrible night.
As much as I have sat here thinking of YOU today, I still have made plans to dress my child in a silly costume and celebrate. Forgive me. please forgive me.
my heart hurts and aches for what was done to you, and I will pray that tonight this falls on no one else.
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