Walking Wounded

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Teenage Abortion at a Planned Parenthood Clinic (written many many years ago)

I know that I am forgiven and I have forgiven myself. This is a journey a tale told to a group of Medical professionals and used at a women s conference in AZ in the late 1990's. My OB read it aloud to the audience studying the effects of abortion on women.

My mother worked hard, and did her best to raise us.  She had never had parents to teach her how to raise children.  I was never told that pre-marital sex was wrong.  My unsuspecting mother trusted me greatly.  At sixteen I was searching for love and acceptance.  My mother was in the hospital with a breakdown when I discovered I was pregnant.  I had no one to counsel me.  I was alone.  I went to a planned parenthood clinic to receive advice.  They confirmed my pregnancy, yet offered me no encouragement or referrals.  I was never told about any organization that offered help.  They pointed me down the path to a Riverside, Ca. clinic.  I was left to feel that abortion was my only alternative other than suicide.  I hope that as you read this that you consider the desperate need that young women have.  We need support.  We do not need a easy way out! The long term effects of my trauma were devastating.  My friends dropped me off at the clinic.  I was alone.  I waited in fear and humiliation.  Then my name was called, I was led to a cubical, and a woman said "have you considered adoption?"  I asked how could I? Knowing my mothers state of mind I was fearful.  She checked the box.  That was it, that was all she said.  She told me to go into the next room and wait for an examination.  Each room seemed to be deeper and deeper within the building.  All I wanted to do was to die or to escape from there.  Then my name was called.  I went into an examination room.  I had never even been to a GYN, and for the first time in total fear and humiliation I was internally and externally examined.  This in itself was very painful due to my tense condition.  I told the nurse not to leave.  There I was with a male stranger with his fingers and hands on me and in me.  I was terrified.  I was sent back out to a room.  It was a open room with a large sectional Sofa filled with women and girls.  There were two adjoining rooms.  While seated on the sofa a door opened and I could see into the operating room.  It had another door on the far side, and the women went in one door and then out the other.  The room was small.  The table was in the center.  There were RN's, doctor, and also the men who carried the unconscious women to the recovery room.  They called the next name and the door was closed.  Then while waiting there a lady came and told me I had RH neg.  blood, that it would be imperative that I receive an injection, that if any future children might have a different blood type my body would not fight them off.  Future children, future children! My heart sank.  All my life my desire was toe a wife and mother.  Now my future children were in question.  The door opened, my name again was called.  How I had grown to hate the sound of that name.  How I hated myself.  I wanted it all to stop, everything happened so fast.  The nurses and doctor were all behind masks.  Only there eyes showed.  They told me to lie down on the table.  Feet in the stirrups, scoot down, scoot Down.  ''Oh God'' my heart screamed, I was so embarrassed.  I was naked and bare before all these strangers, and they were numb to my feelings.  Their soft voices spoke instructions to me.  Breath deep, just relax.  I was going under, and I wanted it to stop.  I screamed "NO STOP" "STOP", but with the gas mask on, my mouth could not speak.  Then I was under.  I remember the prick of a knife inside me, it hurt.  My arm ached from the drugs pumped into me.  The vacuum gurgled and that was all, I had lost the fight, I was .  then unconscious.  As I came to, a gruff voice said "It was your choice, you wanted to do it".  A nurse spoke, so mean and cold she sounded.  I was numb.  I was in the recovery room on one of the many couch like beds.  Then I was given a shot in my fanny that seemed to keep Going, and everyone else was looking at me.  They were all more awake than I was.  The nurse spread my legs , and put a fresh pad on me.  I just closed my eyes and pretended to disappear.  After I slept a long time, the people who took me there came back for me.  I was bleeding quite heavily, and we had to stop on the way home I was bleeding quite heavily, and we had to stop on the way home to buy more pads.  They told my mom that I started my period and I did not feel well.  I bled a lot that night.  I was so very frightened, and I had no one to turn to for help.  I was left in shock, for eight years.  I was never able to grieve the loss of my child, and so I carried an imaginary suckling child on my hip for eight years.  Shortly after I carried I had to have major female surgery.  I had a tumor on my ovary.  I lost an ovary.  I had been married for six years, and we are still longing for our first child.  It has been many years now that I have been able to face this terrible ordeal.  Please note the need for counsel.  If my child was alive today it would be so great to know that its adoptive family was being blessed by his existence.  But as it happened the life of my child was extinguished.  I have asked Gods forgiveness, and without that I would not be able to bear the pain of my loss.  Thank you for sharing my story.  Please make available the instruction and assistance to the desperate women in this position.  It is far to easy to kill the unborn.  And the everlasting effects are not being presented.  I know that many, many victims of abortion still live today.  They are the women who will suffer the consequence of this radical act.  If only I would have been told that pre-marital sex was wrong, I would have had the strength to stand against the peer pressure. If only adoption would of been offered or a safe house. The clinic was more interested in the federal income of the abortion act itself. That was the goal. Stop the population of the human trash.



Being Me said...

Can we expect forgiveness for our ignorance, our naivete, our gullibility and fear in that time? We punish ourselves. God is more merciful. We must learn to forgive ourselves.

Beautiful Daughters said...

Hello I just wanted to let you know that you have been on my heart.
With Hugs n Prayers

Denise said...

God loves you so very much, and so do I sis.

Songs of my heart