Walking Wounded

Monday, December 14, 2009

When the walls shake the fault is exposed

At 18 years of life the old folks (my parents) left. I stood there with my boyfriend on the side walk as they drove away. A vow had been made.
18 I am out of here just hang on 18 I am out of here. Get my high school deploma and get away. Well it was they who got away I turned 18 they were done. Finished being parents they just up and moved away to another state, as did my boyfriends folks the very same week.
My boyfriend was the son of a couple that my parents drank with. The two sets of parents paired us off.

After some time I was hired on in a bank that held ties with a friend of a friend of my boyfriends parents.
I had been working there a few months when the phone call came in. A sister in law called me at work to tell me that Bill had died. She was under that understanding he was so wonderful. Bill only ever spoke of me like I was the best kid in the world, because I kept his dirty secrete out of fear of fall out from my parents if I ever upset them.

"Bill is Dead" her voice spoke. 

All I remember is setting the phone down and walking away from my station into the bathroom back by the vault. I was found slamming my head against the tile walls. I had had a mental break down. They all thought it was because I loved dear old uncle bill so much.
I then slipped into using drugs to numb my pain. I went away into the nature and into physical worship, tanning and nutrition health foods. Eventually into relationship with Christ. I met God through the Bibile that she gave me.
At his death the fault line cracked. Just like those monthly earthquakes,  so common during the late 1970's in Southern California, they shook the stock shelves around me. My walls shook and it all came falling to the ground. All the resources for survival, all the crazy mixed up realities of youth were shaken to my core. I lost function and soon lost the job at the bank. My boyfriend and I were together two years. I had worked hard up the ranks to teller. I was emotionally unable to be employed. We moved out to the Desert Hot Springs area. At my teller window a woman named Amelia Curry left a bible. It was my first bible I ever owned. It was the beginning of understanding life's truth.

I saw Heleen many years later after I had married. She was visiting my mom and her husband. She only said one thing to me...this before the memory came a few years later. I thought it so odd of her to say at the time.
She died not long after that. She said "I never slept with him, and I will not sleep with my present boyfriend either.". It was so odd. I thought at the time perhaps she thought I condemned her in my Christianity for cohabitation. She knew I knew bill was evil. She said nothing else to me that visit . That was said outdoors on the way into my moms place. She never spoke another word to me. She died soon after that.

I was always alone in my family and often thought poorly off for not honoring these people.
My own sister was so loved by this man as per her word he was so kind to her. He never harmed her.

Tricky slick evil, confuse the core of the family and no one will ever believe the truth. No one in my family ever knew or believed me once they did know what he did to me.

These people followed us in almost every move we made. Year after year.
This is how the evil works in darkness. Keep the deeds done in darkness and they will be hidden. If a child tries to shine a light folks raise him up on a bussel to shine bright. Never disregard the light of a child.


Annette said...



I have read your other post as well and I'm sorry, sorry that people you should have trusted hurt you like this, you are such a strong and brave woman....all because God loves you too!!

Denise said...

I am here loving you with all of my heart, and praying for you sis.

Being Me said...

Never disregard the light of a child - Amen to that.
Praying for your inner peace, Donetta.


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