Walking Wounded

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Abortion ,1977, A nightmare story of childhood.

My mother worked hard, and did her best to raise us. She had never had parents to teach her how to raise children. I was never told that pre-marital sex was wrong. My unsuspecting mother trusted me greatly. At sixteen I was searching for love and acceptance. My mother was in the hospital with a breakdown when I discovered I was pregnant. I had no one to counsel me. I was alone. I went to a Planned Parenthood clinic to receive advice. They confirmed my pregnancy, yet offered me no encouragement or referrals. I was never told about any organization that offered help. They pointed me down the path to a Riverside, Ca. clinic. I was left to feel that abortion was my only alternative other than suicide. I hope that as you read this that you consider the desperate need that young women have. We need support. We do not need a easy way out! The long term effects of my trauma were devastating. My friends dropped me off at the clinic. I was alone. I waited in fear and humiliation. Then my name was called, I was led to a cubical, and a woman said "have you considered adoption?" I asked how could I? Knowing my mothers state of mind I was fearful. She checked the box. That was it, that was all she said. She told me to go into the next room and wait for an examination. Each room seemed to be deeper and deeper within the building. All I wanted to do was to die or to escape from there. Then my name was called. I went into an examination room. I had never even been to a GYN, and for the first time in total fear and humiliation I was internally and externally examined. This in itself was very painful due to my tense condition. I told the nurse not to leave. There I was with a male stranger with his fingers and hands on me and in me. I was terrified. I was sent back out to a room. It was a open room with a large sectional Sofa filled with women and girls. There were two adjoining rooms. While seated on the sofa a door opened and I could see into the operating room. It had another door on the far side, and the women went in one door and then out the other. The room was small. The table was in the center. There were RN's, doctor, and also the men who carried the unconscious women to the recovery room. They called the next name and the door was closed. Then while waiting there a lady came and told me I had RH neg. Blood, that it would be imperative that I receive an injection that if any future children might have a different blood type my body would fight them off. Future children, future children! My heart sank. All my life my desire was to be a wife and mother. Now my future children were in question. The door opened, my name again was called. How I had grown to hate the sound of that name. How I hated myself. I wanted it all to stop, everything happened so fast. The nurses and doctor were all behind masks. Only there eyes showed. They told me to lie down on the table. Feet in the stirrups, scoot down, scoot down. ''Oh God'' my heart screamed, I was so embarrassed. I was naked and bare before all these strangers, and they were numb to my feelings. Their soft voices spoke instructions to me. Breath deep, just relax. I was going under, and I wanted it to stop. I screamed "NO STOP" "STOP", but with the gas mask on, my mouth could not speak. Then I was under. I remember the prick of a knife inside me, it hurt. My arm ached from the drugs pumped into me. The vacuum gurgled and that was all, I had lost the fight, I was, then unconscious. As I came to, a gruff voice said "It was your choice, you wanted to do it"!. A nurse spoke, so mean and cold she sounded. I was numb. I was in the recovery room on one of the many couch like beds. Then I was given a shot in my fanny that seemed to keep Going, and everyone else was looking at me. They were all more awake than I was. The nurse spread my legs , and put a fresh pad on me. I just closed my eyes and pretended to disappear. After I slept a long time, the people who took me there came back for me. I was bleeding quite heavily, and we had to stop on the way home I was bleeding quite heavily, and we had to stop on the way home to buy more pads. They told my mom that I started my period and I did not feel well. I bled a lot that night. I was so very frightened, and I had no one to turn to for help. I was left in shock, for eight years. I was never able to grieve the loss of my child, and so I carried an imaginary suckling child on my hip for eight years. Shortly after I married I had to have major female surgery. I had a tumor on my ovary. I lost an ovary. I have been married for six years, and we are still longing for our first child. (this was written a long time ago) It has been two years now that I have been able to face this terrible ordeal. Please note the need for counsel. If my child was alive today it would be so great to know that its adoptive family was being blessed by his existence. But as it happened the life of my child was extinguished. I have asked Gods forgiveness, and without that I would not be able to bear the pain of my loss. Thank you for sharing my story. Please make available the instruction and assistance to the desperate women in this position. It is far to easy to kill the unborn. And the everlasting effects are not being presented. I know that many, many victims of abortion still live today. They are the women who will suffer the consequence of this radical act. If only I would have been told that pre-marital sex was wrong, I would have had the strength to stand against the peer pressure.

This was sent to a womans expo and read by a leading ob/gyn who gave his career to helping the women who were butchard by Plan Parenthood. I do mean gave, he lost everything. The pain was to great for him to hold. Between this and severe childhood sexual abuse I had to have seven major surgeries over 16 years to stop the endo. and reconstruct the damage, because it got into my abdominal wall. I had internal bleeding as my menstruation cycle occurred. I would wrench in agony on the bathroom floor month after month .It ended with a radical hysterectomy in 2002.

I later went on to adopt two children one in 1997 a daughter and a Son in 2002.
I am now 46 on hormones and meopause was overnight and hard with a 10 month old son and a 3 year old daughter.

To all of you who have known this terror I am sorry to touch such a tender place. There is a healing through God we can have forgiveness. We can learn how to forgive ourself. To all of you who have known a child in the womb.
This is , abortion, a death. Handle the hearts with tender care as your love can make a safe place for your fellow women to open up and get healing.



Denise said...

Thank you for being brave enough to share your pain, and heartbreak dear one. My heart hurts for you, so very sorry for the pain you have experienced. May God continue to heal your hurts, bless you.

Pearls of Wisdom said...

I am so sorry for all you have been through. Thank you for sharing of your heart my sweet friend. I am uplifting you in prayer. God loves you .

Blessings and Smiles,

Angel ():)

Corey~living and loving said...

your strength is amazing. I have been so blessed not to have experienced any of your pain. I do feel honored to share in your story though.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

Donetta, you are an amazing and inspiring woman. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. Through it, you bring compassion and hope.

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful Savior to pour out His grace on us!
Thanks for sharing this part of your life song.
Have you read the book "Tilly" by Frank Peretti??? I sincerely recommend it to all who have had to go through this horrible, yet forgiving journey.
Praise God for second chances!!!
In Him,

Songs of my heart