Coffin in my Castle

THERE IS A COFFIN IN MY CASTLE

by Donetta

(c) Copyright 1990

That mirror of reflection has fractured in my eye. My sight dimmed momentarily by a volcanic fire. So there! Are you happy? I too have now unveiled some displeasure in what I am surrounded by. Desperate fixation, a place I hate to visit. I've written it down. But to ever share it without feeling like a clown. We must have the clown in disguise too. As for the eyes they are hidden from the weapon, the gaze. Freedom sweet freedom calls now to forget all this and to just cover my wounded eyes.

While reading a book, its page tense with fear, I became incredibly angry! I stressed and pressed away from the reading of it. I then exploded! Angry and I wanted to know why? I soon discovered while deep in conversational prayer, I practiced the act of denying my emotions. The emotions that hurt me mainly pain, loss and fear. I allowed to exist the hope, joy, gratitude and love, because those didn't hurt me.

As a child I suffered with feelings, because with them, I didn't know what to do. If I showed them I was punished or injured by an insensitive stare, lack of understanding and the inability of showing me how to productively handle them. So by error and pain I soon learned to deny them. They were much to painful to face "alone".

When I met my prince charming and awoke by his kiss, I entered my castle with its halls of joy , hope and gratitude. These felt so good that I stronger denied those feelings so painful. Emotions pressed under a coffin of pain. A lifetime of torment was sealed to its doom buried by hands in sheer panic. The ground has now shifted, that earths’ crusty scale has chaffed at my coffin of pain tell its' sides cracked. And in my fear I became angry, because all that was in it was soon to be seen. Pressed down, down, under the angers' strength tried. It could not because I would not seal my own tomb.

So now, in my castle the coffin abides with all those emotions that were buried alive. Alive they have remained, and now they must be allowed to live, and exist. To have there beginning so they can have

an end. And Jesus said I'm willing and he healed even me. I know that Jehovah will heal all those hurts deep within. To allow them to surface is how it will begin. The working out process I trust will in good time be complete. Then all the coffins storehouse will be gone.

The door to my emotions will be opened now. I will feel the things my emotions feel. It will be wholesome. Even in my castle I was in a prison of my own. Emotions are part of my humanity, feeling is a fact not to be denied as a fantasy. It is how I approach them and how I respond that makes me or breaks me. I am glad to know that the past hurts that suffer me this long will soon, very soon, be expressed, cried for and allowed to be released. So that after the working out they will be gone.